(Please note: This post references the “Mid-Week ‘?'” that used to be a part of my page but no longer is. So if you are confused, no worries, I changed things up a bit.)
This week’s Mid-Week “?” asked, “If you had the choice between knowing hundreds of people superficially or just a few intimately, which would you choose…and why?” It generated a lot of good discussion! And this question is directly related to today’s blog post.
My answer to this question…
If I had to choose, I would absolutely choose to know just a few people intimately. For me, this is where true connection is made. And I believe these relationships are incredibly important to healing from traumas, depression, or any other rough moments in life.
For the most part, the answers given to this question were similar to mine. Extroverts like myself would like to know everyone intimately—but we’ll settle for just a few. And introverts, too, prefer just a few intimate friendships, but may also prefer to be on the fringes among larger groups of people. But in all of this, I also learned that a dichotomy exists in my belief.
While I believe that more intimate human connections provide healing to one’s hurting, this same hurt may also prevent these connections from being made at all. Prior traumas or betrayals, maybe all the way back into one’s childhood, can make it nearly impossible for intimate connections to happen. And for these folks, my heart aches!
Community, Connection, and Finding Healing
When I was in the midst of my depression, at the time I reached out to my mentors, I was floundering in almost every way possible. As I have discussed in previous posts, I was a physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual wreck. And as my mentors began creating an environment for me to be real around them—to express my darkness, doubts, and fears—I began to sense the importance of such intimate connections.
You may remember me communicating that my mentors were pastors and that I began going to one of their churches. And at this church, I got a taste of my pastor friend’s passion for Missional Communities. It is in such a community that I found amazing human connections; connections that I feel were a huge part of my overall restoration.
Now, stay with me here! Don’t go running off. I’m not talking about some sort of cultish commune! Moreover, I’m not talking about a simple small group that sits around singing “Kumbaya.” I am talking about a community that shares life together, supports their neighborhood, supports each other, and accepts each other regardless of where each is at in their respective journeys.
If you’ve been reading my blog for very long you know what those three little dots mean; a digression!
The Christian Church has gotten a bad rap over the centuries. And (not to disrespect my brethren) many times this bad rap is justified. Sometimes the justification for such enmity is blatant. The Westboro Baptist Church is one example of an organization that spreads pure hate in the name of Christ. For most of us churchgoers, a bad rap for this version of the Christian Church is completely justified. But in conversations I have had with both my Christian and non-Christian friends, there appears to be a much more subtle reason for a dislike of the Church.
Some feel—and I agree, in part—that too many churches have a philosophy that is exclusive more than it is inclusive. Again, stay with me here! I’m not meaning any disrespect. Having grown up in the Christian Church, I admit my own difficulty recognizing this philosophy; it is subtle indeed.
I am not talking about deliberate attempts of churches to exclude certain people or populations. I am talking about churches who are doing things with the very best of intention. They spend tons of time and resources on programs to bring people in, to minister to them, to share the “good news” of Jesus with them. This is all well and good; and sometimes it is successful. But if the end goal is to get people into the church first, then attempt to meet their needs, too many are subsequently excluded—even if accidentally.
I say all this to illustrate what the Missional Community is really all about. It is people reaching up to grasp what God is asking them to do in their neighborhoods and to worship and praise him in the process. It is people reaching out to their neighborhoods to meet the needs of its vulnerable—without an agenda other than love. And it is people reaching in to support each other—spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and with other practical needs. The goal is not necessarily to bring people in-to the group, but to bring the group out-to people.
I immediately found a home in my Missional Community. The first time I hung out with the group, I helped them with their community project—packing backpacks with food to be distributed to kids in the community who often go hungry outside of their free school lunches. And I was surprised (and impressed) to find that this was done without any fanfare. The children being served don’t attend the church this group is associated with. They are simply meeting a need in the community.
I also felt welcome, and uncompelled to conform to the jovial nature of the group. Remember, at the time I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I wasn’t told to cheer up, or asked, “What’s wrong?” I was simply accepted as a new friend. It was as if there was an intuitive nature within the group to express love in the most unobtrusive way. And when a couple people in the group began to share about their horrendous struggles, I knew I was in the right place. I was free to be a depressed, struggling, and doubting Christian. I was free to share my struggles and burdens. I was part of a community whose only agenda was to love me through my pain.
This, friends…this is why I am so passionate about people sharing their stories. I believe that stories are where connections are formed. And connections create community. And community—in that koinonia sense—leads to a sharing of life itself. And sharing life, well…
It heals!
More to come next week. And be on the lookout for another guest blog post soon. A dear friend is writing her story right now. I am super excited to share it with you. I have read a brief excerpt and it is fantastic!
I’d love to hear your comments, friends! Please share your thoughts below or contact me privately if you wish.
If this blog is something you value, please share Jim Ladiski Writes so others can be encouraged too!
Be well…
P.S. If you have a story to tell and would like to join Jim Ladiski Writes as a guest blogger, please contact me!
Jim, nothing smarmy, sarcastic, snide, or even funny to post. I do compliment you though on taking on the issue of Christian ministry inclusiveness. There is a real problem with that, The church may say they want all to attend and feel welcome. The reality though is you are welcome if and when you conform. There are firmly entrenched substructures that revel in the snubbing of others. It is very subtle, but very felt. I chose a long time time ago to not join the [church I was attending] because of the subsect that controls and flourishes. They are no longer likely to have my shadow cross their door frame again. There are many good people in that ministry but they allow a group to buy and control the ministry. Sadly I believe the majority of the other churches out there are the same. I respect your beliefs and am glad you have found your niche. As for me it is time to take a complete sabbatical.
Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting, John.
I am still optimistic about the Christian Church in general. I even feel that many churches are still doing great things. The fact of the matter for me is that a majority of churches I have attended were welcoming. But, that is also coming from someone who knows a lot about church culture and about church traditions. Regardless, I think every church, and every Christian, is smart to take stock of what they believe and how they act upon those beliefs. I think that is how we keep moving forward and become lovingly inclusive…like Jesus was/is.
(By the way, edited out the name of the church you mentioned. I’d prefer not to project a potential negative light on any one organization. Also, we should really try to grab that cup of coffee soon!)
Be well…
Interesting that you wrote about community as I just wrote a post on the same idea – that God created us to be in community. Sadly, I also know some who have been hurt by the church (myself included) – but I think we need to remember that the church is made up of imperfect people.
True, Barbara. I am proof that the church is made up of imperfect people! 😉
I feel that being part of a Christian community is something that we are called to do. Christians are also called to share Christ to others, to make disciples of all nations. And yet, we are all sinners. So, people go to church to become better people, to learn more about Christ’s life, to meet and grow in relationship with other Christians. It’s hard to see people walk away from the organized church because it is only with these people’s input that we can all become better. I need the support of fellow Christians in order to have the courage to share Christ with non-Christians.
I agree that we, as Christians, are called to community…and out of that community to disciple one another. I am not certain that all people go to church to become better or to learn more about Christ, but your point is well taken. That certainly should be a goal of a churchgoer.
I will also agree, in part, with a couple of your other statements. It is indeed hard to see people walk away from a Christian community…but we may differ slightly beyond that.
Some do walk away from churches because they have been hurt in that setting. Like you said, we are all sinners and, thus, make miatakes. In my estimation–both with my experience, and with talking to others–this hurt is usually not inflicted by the church as a collective but by an individual or smaller group. In these cases, walking away may be good and healthy. Obviously, from a Christian perspective, the hope is that this individual would walk to another, more fruitful Christian community.
Regarding the input of loving Christians, I too believe that this is an ideal way to grow in faith, but I disagree that it is “the only way.” God can grow one’s Faith with or without the input of other people.
Lastly, depending on your definition of “the organized church,” I am not certain that this is necessary either. I will agree that meeting regularly with fellow Christ-followers to worship, encourage each other, and equip each other for service, is both necessary and right. But if the organization has to be denominational, or of a certain doctrine, or built around a certain liturgy, I would disagree. The early church, as presented in the Book of Acts, is a perfect example of this. There is no indication of specific organizational ties outside of Jesus’ command to make disciples by following His example.
Great comment! Thanks for reading and sharing, Janell.
Be well…