A guest blog post by Andrea Moore…

It was April of 2002 and we were approaching our seventh wedding anniversary. We had an amazing daughter and lived in a cute fixer upper. This was my world and I loved it. I loved him, her, and our little home.

As with all marriages, we seemed to be in a rut but there had been discussion of trying to have another baby. I just thought it was time for us to have a good discussion to get back on track.

An evening to ourselves finally came around and we started what I thought was going to be the talk that would get us back on track and out of the rut we were in. He seemed to be struggling to tell me something but, with some prompting, he finally said what he needed to say:

“I am not happy and I do not think I love you anymore.”

I could handle the first four words; we all have moments of unhappiness. Individual unhappiness can be fixed. However, the next nine words blew my world, and ultimately me, apart.

He was truthful in his words.  He did not love me anymore. He left our home and he did not come back.

“And I do not think I love you anymore.” Those words played on repeat in my mind and resulted in so many unanswered questions for me.

• What had I done that made him stop loving me?
• What had I not done that made him stop loving me? 
• Why was I not enough for him?
• Why was I not worth staying in the marriage for? 
• Why did he stop loving me?

Why, why, why…

Fact versus Fear

Those unanswered questions ate away at my normally strong and independent personality leaving me unsure of myself in almost all aspects of my life. I seemed to be stuck, frozen in that moment when I heard those nine words. The effects of those words were so overwhelming.

I did get out of bed. I did care for my daughter. I walked through the days in a fog.  I went to bed when my daughter did at the end of each day, exhausted by my sheer existence.

Those nine words and the unanswered questions from those words haunted my dreams. I could not function beyond caring for my daughter.

I struggled to make decisions. My insecurities encompassed all aspects of my entire life.

I sought professional help and received counseling services through the local Christian counseling service. The counselor was amazing!! She listened to my expression of the many hurts I endured. Most importantly, she armed me with a great insecurity defense mechanism, the fact versus fear test! 

When worries and uncertainty were getting the better of me, I was to ask myself if my worries were based in fact or in fear. If there were facts to support the concern, then I was to react accordingly. However, if there were no facts to support my concern, then I needed to identify these concerns as being based in fear and not react to the concerns or the constant nagging voice in my head.

While I am a pretty practical girl and this made sense to my practical mind, it still took time and lots of practice. This method worked for me in most instances and it is still a tool that I use to this day to address anxiety and concern.

My Mantra

About that same time I received a letter in the mail from a friend of a friend who had gone through a divorce herself many years prior. She shared with me her faith in God and several Bible verses that she found solace in during difficult times.

I read those verses over and over. After awhile, I found a verse that I was especially drawn too. It provided me peace at a time when my life was anything but peaceful.  Jeremiah 29:11 quickly became my mantra, spoken over and over to myself:

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I still have that letter from the friend of a friend. It is one of my treasured possessions, a document of no monetary value but a reminder of how I came to trust God’s will in my life.

God has held true to his promise in this verse. I have been blessed so richly in my life. Please do not take any words in this post to down shadow the fact that I lead a truly blessed and happy life surrounded by family and friends who love me. 

All But One

• The professional counseling helped. 
• The fact versus fear test helped.
• Growing my faith and having a closer relationship with God helped.
• Repeating the mantra and trusting God’s will in my life helped. 
• The support of my amazing family and friends who loved me through my hurt, my anger, and my devastation helped. 
• The passage of time helped. 

It was not one single thing that helped, but rather a combination of all of them that allowed me to move away from the crippling insecurities I suffered from hearing those nine words. I eventually returned to my strong and independent personality, maybe a little more independent than I used to be. I became determined to stand on my own two feet and raise my daughter as best as I could as a single mother with her being shared between two homes. Yet there is one fear that has stayed with me from those nine words…

What a powerful story, Andrea! I am so grateful that you decided to share it with us. I am looking forward to “Part 2.”

If you’d like to contact Andrea and let her know how her story is impacting you, or to ask her questions, she’d be happy to chat. You can email her at moorean@gmail.com, or by messaging her on Facebook. And feel free to comment below to join the conversation!

Be well…

P.S. If you have a story to tell and would like to join Jim Ladiski Writes as a guest blogger, please contact me!